please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
