Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
