Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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