His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
