I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
