Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
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