I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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