I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm going to jail i love you
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
