a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
