Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Your penis caused this!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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