Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize