Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
