what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
should my penis look like a turkey
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
