What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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