I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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