I seem to have left my pride at pride
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
