My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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