There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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