In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Sext me about skeletons
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize