Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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