Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
