so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
