I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
