You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
