You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize