omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
