After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
