i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
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