He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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