Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Randomize
