who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
