Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
