When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
