are you still at the devil's house?
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
