I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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