i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
