Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Randomize
