Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
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