ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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