I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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