Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
