"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize