clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
