ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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