In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
