so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
