apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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