Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
