YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
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