eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
