i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
