You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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