i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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