that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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