I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
