I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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