If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
