Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
