This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize