dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
