goodnight i made you a song goodbye
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
