Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
