I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
