she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Randomize
