So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
either way he was missing a nipple.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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