Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
