There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
