Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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