We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
