I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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