i jhust puked up my retainher.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
