cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
