Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
