I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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