why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
