so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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