I accidentally had phone sex last night
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
