Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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