tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
