No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
