I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
