I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
