She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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