Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize