Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
