Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
