there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
