Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
