Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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