There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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