im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
he fucked my hip out of place.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Dicks are not precious.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think my moral compass just broke
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
