Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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