Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize