And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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