Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
it's like heaven, but drunker
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
