Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
it hurts more in the daytime
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
