I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
your like the ambassador to my penis.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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